FASHION PATROL

Sometimes we just have to ask: what were they thinking? Fashion crimes against Dan and Emma in particular have been on the rise lately and here my guest editors and I will dicuss these fashion tragedies in hopes of doing a public service. Stop Fashion Crimes!

Note: Fashion crimes have no statute of limitation therefore I don't care how old they are. Style and trends will also be commented on. No offense is meant to any actor, only to the offending style. Just laugh and enjoy. And maybe protect yourself against fashion wrongs! And once in a while a Fashion-Do will be commented on so that we don't completely loose hope in Dan and Emma. We have to compliment them once in a while so they don't give up. Enjoy folks!


Report a Dan and/or Emma fashion crime.












 Crime: A dress that we have to read
Event: Bafta Awards, 2005
Cited: Emma Watson
Date: 6.29.05
Guest Patroler: My good friend, Tracy


Kate: "Hi, I'm Emma Watson. Um... I'm not sure what to say. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry you have to bear witness to this dress. Maybe I can distract you with this shiny yellow lego award? No. Oh. Um... sorry again."


Tracy: Holy Berkley! That dress must have been what inspired Timothy Leary. Paul was the Walrus, but Emma's dress is a bad acid trip! Where's Carlos Castaneda and Don Jaun when you need them??? Yes, Emma dear - you have truly engaged into a Separate Reality there. But, I almost can't blame the girl. That award is creepy...like some twisted plasgenetic mutation of Raymond Burr and James Spader.


Kate: I think I NEED acid to look at this dress without getting a headache. The award is simply a necessary distraction. Hey, you know what? I think I saw this dress in one of my old Highlights paint-by-numbers templates. Holy crap, I totally did. I knew it looked familiar.


Tracy: I think I had that Paint-by-Numbers set too. It was called When Super Novas Go Rouge. Or maybe it was Neutron Stars for Nerds: Find the Crab Nebula?? I got it...Emma dressed to impress all the folks from MENSA! Because, you know, they'll never notice her bra straps showing through her shirt....


Kate: Is there anything worse than a dress you have to read? Oh wait... a dress you have to read AND see someone's inappropriate bra straps through. Classy! Should I even mention the hair? What's the Hell's going on there?


Tracy: Yes, there is. It's a dress designed by a pharmaceutical company that supplants subliminal messages into your brain - forcing you to buy more Advil, making you believe you need Prozac - or worse, you're Bi-Polar and in need of a Lithium sunset fix.


Kate: That dress is so loud I think I can hear it... in Australia. Let's pray to the fashion Gods that this never happens to her again.