Sometimes we just have to ask: what were they thinking? Fashion crimes against Dan and Emma in particular have been on the rise lately and here my guest editors and I will dicuss these fashion tragedies in hopes of doing a public service. Stop Fashion Crimes!

Note: Fashion crimes have no statute of limitation therefore I don't care how old they are. Style and trends will also be commented on. No offense is meant to any actor, only to the offending style. Just laugh and enjoy. And maybe protect yourself against fashion wrongs! And once in a while a Fashion-Do will be commented on so that we don't completely loose hope in Dan and Emma. We have to compliment them once in a while so they don't give up. Enjoy folks!

Report a Dan and/or Emma fashion crime.

Crime: A whole bunch of weird
Event: CoS Press Junket
Cited: Emma Watson and Dan Radcliffe
Date: 7.06.05
Guest Patroler: My husband, Mike

Kate: Holy Crap. It's Jem from Jem and the Holograms.

Mike: She's an android from an alternate future, come back to show off the silver clothing of the future races.

Kate: Her shirt is sponsored by Reynold's Wrap.

Mike: What's with the spider on his shirt? It's like the factory worker in Malaysia who made it was originally going to make a Halloween costume, but gave up and just made a shirt. She hadn't been on a break in two days and the factory dust was killing her.

Kate: It is frighteningly out of place on that shirt, isn't it? I would understand it more if it were a black shirt, maybe. The green spider would be some sort of dangerous looking thing. But it really looks weird there. It's kind of freaking me out a little bit.

Mike: Maybe they ran out of alligators.

Kate: I have a feeling no one is going to get that joke except you and me.

Mike: And that's why I love you. Because you get all of my stupid jokes.

Kate: Does the polo shirt with the alligator on the pocket even exist anymore?

Mike: Is that your subtle way of calling me old?

Kate: Calm down, Grampa.

Mike: That shirt she's wearing is actually great. When she's done wearing it, she can wrap her leftovers in it.

Kate: I wonder if you tap the front of that shirt if a computer board would pop out?

Mike: Notice the look on her face. Like her head is going to split in two and she's about to reveal her true predator-roach-martian-self and bite off the head of anyone who dare look at her wrong.

Kate: She's chosen her mate and is holding on to him tightly so she can eat him when she's done with him. Although he doesn't seem to mind.

Mike: He's holding onto her shoulder like I used to hold on to yours when we were still friends and you were dating that assgobbler that we all hated. I didn't want to offend you by holding too tight but I wanted to try and sneak a feel if I could. His hand is unnaturally stiff. And hers is like she's really loose. Like she's taken a bunch of Xanex.

Kate: The D&E shippers will love you for that. Note that I didn't tell him to say that!

Mike: It's a young guy's problem. He doesn't want to touch her too much or he'll embarass himself. If his body touches hers in any way, there's a chance of accidental lift off, if ya know what I mean. So he's like mandroid, keeping everything really stiff and uptight. Guys do this around girls they're attracted to. Or despise. There's a chance this is also a case of "I hate you but just smile for the camera and I hope I don't have to touch you for too long." But it doesn't matter if he hates her. Accidental lift-off has no discrimination.

Kate: Or maybe you're just a pervert.

Mike: That could be it, too.

Kate: This whole pic leaves me blinded and confused.

Mike: Like a date with Mike Tyson.

Kate: Horrible, Mike. Just horrible.

Mike: I know.