So everyone knows the general plot of Harry Potter, but take a look at my version of the events of each film. This is from a slightly skewed shippers perspective. Please keep in mind this is a parody and no offense is meant to any of the actors and/or characters. There is also some bad language and adult themes that you may want the kiddies to stay away from. Contact me with comments and/or criticism. I hope you enjoy!

The Professors finally stumble in. Snape wonders why the hell he he even bothered to show up. And why there aren't any women his own age in the school. And what that itchy rash on his privates is, because it certainly isn't like he's been getting any nookie, unless you count Filch's cat, which he only did that one time and doesn't really count... oh,... what? What was I saying?	"Where's Professor Dumbledore?"	"He couldn't find a hat to match the occasion. He's phoning his sytlist from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy."
Snape was the only one smart enough to go guard the Stone, and was bitten by Fluffy, who you'll meet a little later because I didn't bother to take a cap of him the first time we saw him. Seen one 3-headed dog, you've seen them all.	McGonagall gets angry at Ron and Harry.	But Hermione takes the rap. With grades like hers, they couldn't kick her out if they tried. She could teach their courses better than they could.
"Holy shit!" Harry says, astonished that Hermione is getting into trouble for his and Ron's stupidity. Ron's decided to take a nap.	She is reprimanded heavily.	She takes a lashing while the stormy atmosphere lights up the room. Harry notices the romantic effect.
"You're so hot right now."	[...]	[...]
[...]	[...]	"Oh good Lord..."