Harry and Hermione are finally left alone.
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"You know, I love you."
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"I know, Harry. I can't believe we had to set up this entire scheme just to get some time alone together. You still have the stone in your pocket, right?"
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"No worries. It was a great plan, baby."
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"I know. But coincidentally, the bad guy happens to be in the next room."
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"I'm scared of the English white man in the turban. He may kill me. This may be the last minute of my life."
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"Soooo... I know we're only 11, but I don't want to die a virgin..."
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[Que the sweet Harry/Hermione theme that plays whenever they're alone together.]
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"Of course you aren't going to die, silly."
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"But how can you be sure? We'd better shag now just to be safe."
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"I'm positive you'll survive. There's a sequel for God's sake! Freakin' perve! You're lucky I love you."
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"Now go on... go save the world. Maybe we'll sneak in a quick snog when you get back."
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"Okay then. I'll make this quick!"
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So Harry fights the English white man in the purple turban.
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Who turns out to be Voldemort. Someone is in desperate need of some moisturizer. Like big time.
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