So everyone knows the general plot of Harry Potter, but take a look at my version of the events of each film. This is from a slightly skewed shippers perspective. Please keep in mind this is a parody and no offense is meant to any of the actors and/or characters. There is also some bad language and adult themes that you may want the kiddies to stay away from. Contact me with comments and/or criticism. I hope you enjoy!

He shows everyone a very magical and highly dangerous beast...	[. . .]	... a flying chicken who just took a big dump on the ground.
"What? Who? Where? Okay then."	Everyone's happy about Hagrid and CoMC class except Malfoy, who's still trying to adjust to his new hair.	"Come minions, let's bother the mudblood. Hey, shouldn't you be snogging Ron by now?"
[. . .]	"He's not worth it sweetie. Trust me, I'll be seeing him later on. I'll take care of it."	[. . .]
Hagrid decides that the beast is so dangerous that, obviously, he should be ridden like a carnival ride.	Cause that's not dangerous to minors or anything.	"Who wants to vol'nteer?"
[. . .]	[. . .]	"Hey I'm a sidekick and everyone's ignoring me and I'm in therapy. I have enough to worry about."