So everyone knows the general plot of Harry Potter, but take a look at my version of the events of each film. This is from a slightly skewed shippers perspective. Please keep in mind this is a parody and no offense is meant to any of the actors and/or characters. There is also some bad language and adult themes that you may want the kiddies to stay away from. Contact me with comments and/or criticism. I hope you enjoy!

Seriously, if Harry got a nickle everytime he found out about a new person or plotline that involved him and was kept from him...	...he'd have a buttload of nickels.	"You don't know about him? What have you been thinking about all summer??!"
"The love of my life, Hermione."	"She's so beautiful. And I've missed her so much. I wonder what she looks like this year."	"And I wonder if she's missed me as much as I've missed her."
[. . .]	"And she's the best, really. Last year we found out that Voldemort was trying to split us up, but she laughed it off and kicked their asses. Damn she's fantastic. And pretty, too."	"Well she was petrified for a little while and we hugged a lot. We were planning on snogging on the train ride home, but then we got caught in the train bathroom by one of the train cart ladies..."
[. . .]	"...so that sucked ass. So I can't wait to see her this year. We're snogging one way or another, dammit! I'm tired of waiting. She's so brilliant. I miss her so much. I just..."	::whispers:: "Psst, Ernie. Speed it up."
[. . .]	[. . .]	"Oh gosh, look at the time! We're here, already. Such a shame. I wish I could continue to listen to you talk incessantly about your girlfriend, really I do. But you go on now. Have a good stay."